Guilt
by Knight of Silver
Summary: The night can leave a man guilty.


Author's Note: This is not terribly original, but the idea had been bouncing around my head for a while. And since this was written after midnight, all mistakes are mine, and I apologize in advance for them.

Guilt

He moves off of her, and they both lay back panting while staring at the ceiling. Her heart rate returns to normal, and that's when she notices the chill in the room. She curls up into a ball to fight off the cold. She wonders if he's cold too. She looks at him. He gets up at that moment, going into the bathroom, never once looking at her.

Yeah he's cold alright, she thought to herself. A few minutes later he emerged. In the low light, she has a chance to admire him. Nice body. She knew that already, but it was something else to see it. What was it called? Eye-candy. That's what she was looking at right now. But he pulled on his underwear and his jeans, effectively cutting her view off. Suppressing a sigh, she got up and went to the bathroom, leaving him to find his shirt.

She cleans up, fixes her hair, and reflects on the past few hours. He was good. Really good. Man, she hopes that he'll call again. He seems like a nice guy. She sighed. Now why are the nice guys the Johns and all the bums she dates are jerks? It should be switched. Oh well. Turning off the light she goes back into the main room.

But the sight before her stops her in her tracks.

He is sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

And he's crying. His shoulders are shaking. No sound comes from him though. Silent tears. She's never had this happen before. Usually there's the guilt that the married guys seem to have, but never something like this. She doesn't know what to do. He's hurting. A lot.

"Hey, you ok?" She doesn't get a response, and for some reason that makes her mad. One of the few times she actually cares, and this John just blows her off.

"Whatever," she mutters, and gets dressed. The money is laying on the nightstand, and she counts it out, realizing that there is much more then she told him.

Normally she wouldn't have cared, just taken the money and left. But tonight, for some reason, she doesn't want the extra money.

"Hey, you over paid me."

He composes himself somewhat, but when he talks his voice is shaky.

"No, it's yours. Take it."

"I didn't earn it."

"Just take it."

"Why should I?"

"'Cause it'll make you happy."

"What?" she asks confused.

"It's why you do this right? You need money. So take it. Pay bills or whatever with it. "

His answer catches her off guard, and it takes a moment for her brain to think.

"Why are you doing this?"

"No reason one of us shouldn't be happy walking away from this."

"You weren't satisfied?"

"That's not what I meant. Please just take it."

She realizes she's fighting a losing battle and gives up on the money issue but not on him.

"Want to talk? I won't judge."

"You should."

"How can I with what I do?" He turns and looks at her. His eyes are red and there are tear streaks on his face. But he looks away again, and she knows that it's because she is not the "Claire" he called her all night.

When he speaks his voice is soft but laced with pain. "No, just go away."

"You sure?"

He nods.

She opens the door, but something makes her turn back around. "YOu need any help or anything?"

"No." He bows his head and runs a tired hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asks without any interest.

"For you. No one should be so sad." He looks at her again, and she is deleberatily standing to the side. He had liked her side view all night.

But he sits upright, and the perception changes so now he's looking at her dead on.

"I loved her," his voice a whisper.

"I know."

"She died, my fault." She nods. "You look like her." Again, she nods. He's quiet for a moment. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For one more night with her." Tears fill his eyes and start falling down his cheeks. He looks away.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

He puts his head back in his hands.

There's nothing else to say, so she looks at him for several minutes before leaving the room and softly shutting the door behind her. As soon the door clicks, she hears the sobs. God awful sobs. And her heart breaks for the man.


End file.
